Foster care and adoption are awesome right? Everyone deserves a loving family right? It is what I was meant to do.
So, maybe just one more…..
It is incredibly easy to get caught up in the fairy-tales and to buy into the pretense that every story ends happily ever after. It is second nature for us as caregivers to pretend this to be true. To do otherwise would mean failure. It would mean that love really isn’t enough and that I, as a parent, am really not enough. Well that just sucks. It means going against scripture in the Bible and teachings of unconditional love. It means going against everything that I thought I believed or wanted to believe or maybe I just didn’t want to not believe. It means taking a stand against all the sugar coated crap that is shoved down our throats in the foster and adopt community. And that is scary. That is really really really scary.
When one enters the foster and adopt community, that person gives up so many friends and family members in the traditional world. You know the ones that say they will support you but can’t be found when your kids are out of control as they deal with trauma. Oh yeah – those ones. To speak up, or as it is often referred to either in words or insinuations “to give up”, could mean being ostracized from the only remaining community that you are part of. Think of it as a cult or a commune. You are living a life style out of the norm and all of a sudden you peer thru the looking glass and see reality. You can’t go home but you can’t live there anymore. Yep. That is exactly the experience I had as I watched my next and final “placement” (still hating that word all these years later) fall apart. This would not be our family’s last loss but it would definitely change us forever.
The story that I will tell next is one of hope and guilt. It is one of experience and joy. It is one of loss and devastation. It does not end well and yet I would not change one ounce of it. It is the story of why I truly believe the road to hell is in fact paved with good intentions. It is how I became a Grandmother and I how I did not. Also, it is the reason that I want to thank Facebook’s “Memories” feed and “Time Hop” application that haunts me with living ghosts. Nothing like a slap in the face to start one’s day.
So hold on tight, as I share with you; the roller coaster of Miss A.
